Nightmares and stress


I am sitting in Sweden now. It’s raining outside, my brother has a friend over and they are playing something very noisy (children’s imagination never seize to impress… Did I ever have that good imagination?), I have a cat next to me (although he would rather lie on the laptop since my lap is “his place”), They are looking after a dog that never stop barking… Much sounds everywhere and my nerves are not very good today. Oh well, shit happens.

I had a really nasty nightmare tonight, and unusual enough I actually remember it. It’s quite sick so…

I was imprisoned in a very scary prison. The guardsman there was a real bitch who enjoyed his prisoners to suffer, as much as possible. When we tried to make anything nice, whatever it was, he made sure it was destroyed. We were prisoners and there to suffer, not have a good time. He was a real sick person… One of the prisoners and me connected really well, we understood each other in a way that was very rare. One day he came in with a bucket and we had to pee in it, everyone starting at once, and whoever was first finished was “selected”. We all knew that once someone was “selected” they were brought out with the guard and they never returned. Unfortunately it was my friend who was selected this time, and before they dragged him away he whispered to me “I just want you to know how much I like you!” and I answered with a tearful smile “I have loved you since the day we met…” He looked a little surprised and threw himself around my neck and kissed me. It was the most passionate, strangest kiss I’ve ever experienced (even in a dream) and after some seconds of kissing the guards pulled him away while we maintained eye contact and tears started running down my chins, and didn’t stop.
The kiss had an effect on everyone around me that suddenly realised I was gay, something no one knew before. Suddenly they all became disgusted and intrigued at the same time, and horny as they were they took turns raping me, while they hit me and kicked me when I tried to resist. In the end I was so sore, I hurt so bad that I didn’t care to try to make resistance. So I woke up, and couldn’t sleep for another three hours.

This dream made me feel really bad. It kind of makes sense… Everytime I find something that makes me happy it is ripped away from me, just as I realize I have it. If something could just stay for a small while, it would be better…

I am just looking forward to the concert, to meeting Bjørn, to enjoy the music of Sonata Arctica. No matter how much my dreams might be bugging me, I will stay on my feet.
I will have to.
I will.

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~ by Methras on 9 April 2006.

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