What to do?


As usual I start writing here without really knowing what to write. But as usual I’ll just let my fingers run over the keyboard without thinking and then, after a while, we end up with a text and maybe, just maybe, it will have some content as well.

I apologize if there are spelling mistakes, but I’m kind of wearing lenses that’s really to weak for me. So my vision is blurry, even when I wear them. But what the heck. I can’t afford new ones right now anyway. So this pair will just have to do! I have been avoiding my father lately, not knowing what to say if he confronted me with my plans again. Even though I need to speak to him about money, as I have nothing left in the bank and only some coins in my pocket. But I know what will come when I sit down with him, and I am not looking forward to it. At all. But today, I have to.

These last few days I’ve been thinking of what I’ll do in the near future. It’s really not that easy to sit down and think about what you would like to do. I mean, of course there are many things I’d LIKE to do, but I got to be realistic at the same time. And one thing my father told me has really haunted my mind. I start a lot of things and I’m very excited about it, and I keep on doing it probably a lot, enjoying it. But then, after a while, I tire of it. When it becomes routine. I never really finish anything.

First I disagreed with him but then I sat down and thought. It’s the truth really. I start something and the first couple of months I really put my soul down in it, but then… all the joy of doing it just… Disappear. If I look at the jobs I’ve had, the first months has been great, maybe as many as 3… Then I’ve quit or gotten fired because I lost the will to work or something has happened so I was forced to do so. Gotten sick or whatever. It’s like this in everything. Can someone answer me why? Or how to overcome this? I mean, I WANT to be able to finish something, accomplish something.

But then I have to be fair to myself. It’s only recently (may) that I stopped having depressions… Ironically enough it stopped after I stopped taking my anti-depressive pills… So, well.. I don’t know. Since then I haven’t had any serious depressions, really. I mean, I have had bad days when everything feel shit, but that’s kind of normal. Everyone got them. And since may I’ve only had one job, really and the reason why I stopped working was not because I didn’t want to continue, it was because I couldn’t do a good job when I didn’t have my ADD medication. Not very easy to keep concentration on a job when you have ADD and no medication, really. So maybe the problem is solved already? I wouldn’t know.

And I still haven’t figured out what to do, really. Me and a friend has been talking about moving together again. I think it would work out quite well, if I don’t manage to make him go crazy… I can be really good at that sometimes. Especially with my music. But hey… I have headphones, and I CAN use them. Yeah, can… Whatever.

Anyway…. I guess I’ll have to go up and speak to my father now.
Get some things sorted out or something.

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~ by Methras on 19 January 2007.

2 Responses to “What to do?”

  1. In response to your question, it is a part of human nature. We’re always excited and overzealous at new things that seem great at first, and end up just as boring and drab as anything else we do. It’s an endless cycle of experimentation until you get to the point where you are forced into something or find something that can withstand the tests of time. I’ve known many people who worry about not being able to stick with anything over and over, but what we forget are all the things that have become so much a part of our lives that they aren’t even counted. Things that have stuck with us but are not necessarily considered in the same category as all the things we pile up as tried and old. I could make a list of most likely over 1000 different projects/ideas/things/morals/promises/dedications that over time became droll and I moved on. You have accomplished things, and you have finished things. You are an incredible person, and don’t ever let your mind fool you into thinking otherwise. Keep looking, keep going. The majority of things/people/places/convictions/etc you will tire of, that’s just the way we are. Stay positive, I’ll be here if you want to talk(not that I’m really that great to talk with XD) Good luck with talking to your father, and I really hope that moving with your friend works out!! Make sure to keep me updated too, you’re not allowed to disappear before I visit Sweden :P.

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