Another one bites the dust

As I suspected, I am not a good blogger. I tend to get so involved with other things, I forget to write anything… But hey! Trust me. In my hours of darkness, this will be the place I escape. I just have to remember to write even when things are NOT bad. Like now.

But before I start, I have to run down and grab a cigarette… There we go. So, what should I rant on about today? I think I will go on about love. Because love is something I just don’t believe in any more. Perhaps a bit cynical of me, but nonetheless it has been proven to me time after time to be a cruel emotion that cause nothing but pain.

I am a kind of person that don’t fall in love very often, and when I do it is usually the wrong person. When I say the wrong person I mean that the person is either straight or otherwise not obtainable by myself. Let’s be honest, I am not the best looking guy on the market, I have my issues and I certainly don’t have the money needed to achieve “sugar-daddy” title. Nor am I old enough yet, but hey… At least age comes with time.

And I think my emotions are a little… damaged. When I actually get interested in a person who I can get, and I manage to get that person, I grow tired of them very fast. It’s like I enjoy the hunt, but once I reach the goal then the excitement is gone. It has been like that with my two last relationships, and some other flings that I haven’t brought to the next level.

Right now I have a guy sleeping on my sofa. He has been here for a week now, and I have not in any way hit on him, even though he is rather cute, gay and single. However I am afraid to get burnt again and all my logical senses tell me it will just be a disaster to try anything. But then again, thinking like that only makes me more keen to actually try my luck. I know, it’s weird and sick in a way… If I had sensed any kind of interest from him, I probably would have… But the fact that he has slept on the sofa every time he has been here, even though I have asked if he would prefer sleeping in my bed is kind of a hint… But I do think he has flirted a little, but I am not sure. So I will just leave it be.

Not that inviting someone to sleep in my bed would lead anywhere. I usually ask people who sleep here if they want to sleep in my bed because it IS large and I do enjoy having another person next to me while sleeping, it keeps the nightmares away… And sleeping in the same bed does not mean you will have sex or anything. Actually… I am not THAT keen on sex, it’s all… messy and sweaty… I prefer cuddling with a person I like. Just to have someone to hold or holding me, that is so much better. I guess I just long for the feeling of safety… The feeling of protection against the world and for a brief moment I am not lonely.

But love? Nah… Love is just something writers and poets have made to be a larger issue than it really is. Love is like a balance-act on a sharp sword, with rosebushes on either side. Even if you manage to stay on the sword, you will still be cut from the blade. And when you loose your balance, the thorny bushes are there to catch you.

Whoever invented love, was a very cruel person.


~ by Methras on 4 March 2010.

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