Confusion


It’s been a while since I have written anything here now… Mostly because Telenor decided to stop my internet delivery due to unpaid bills. Fair enough. But the result of that is that my link to the outside world was cut and I found myself disconnected from everyone I never talked to anyhow. Let’s just say I have noticed who has tried to contact me and not. Kind of en eye-opener, really… But I have found temporary internet in a wireless connection that works when it wants to.

Skin Deep
The human race is ugly, with very few exceptions.

So! Christmas has been here ans passed and we are now apparently in 2010. I had a nice christmas and a very pleasant new years eve… And still I just feel apathy. Well, that’s wrong, really… At times, when I am distracted enough I can forget that I am depressed, and everything feels just fine – only to get even worse a couple of hours later. It’s so freaking frustrating, really… I don’t know why, but I had a massive wave of sorrow an hour or so ago. I almost felt like I would be able to cry, but of course I couldn’t. I did shed a single tear though. Why I was sad? No reason at all… I just remembered how horrible and ugly the human race is.

I just read Stephen Fry is going on hard work with his second book. The first one was from childhood to adolesence, and the second book would pick it up from there. I started thinking about my own childhood and so on, and it is SO much I just can’t remember. And it’s so freaking annoying when you have fractions of a memory, even if it’s just a feeling or a smell, and you just can’t put your finger on it… Like trying to catch snow with your hands – as soon as you think you got something, it’s gone. And I have so many of them… Maybe I shouldn’t remember, maybe it’s natural. But how I would like to watch back and try to make sence, find some answers or just… reasons.
But I can’t.

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~ by Methras on 4 March 2010.

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