Psyco head

I really hate my head sometimes. No, seriously I do. The thoughts it manages to invent all by it’s own is just horrible to live with. Even though I logically know that this thoughts are just my imagination, my mind playing tricks on me, the fear they cause is very much real.

Yesterday a friend of mine was supposed to come here, but because of different reasons it was decided he would come today instead. That was just as well, I suppose because yesterday evening was horrible and this morning was no better. When you fall asleep trembling and wake up trembling, it kind of ruins the start of the day. However after a talk with a friend on facebook and some pills from the nurses everything got better.

Until I started thinking.

It is now 3pm and I remembered earlier that this friend of mine is supposed to come today. I know he is kind of slow in the mornings with getting himself around to do stuff and so on. And yesterday he had gotten some rather threatening messages from someone who he had kept a phone for, or something like that.. And he seemed rather scared when I spoke to him in the evening but as far as I understood, he managed to solve the problem.

Aaanyhow, I suddenly realized it is 3pm and I haven’t heard anything from him except an sms I got while sleeping saying something about answering, but I have no idea what I was supposed to answer 1am in the night… So… I checked MSN and he is not online. I tried calling him, but his phone is turned of. I checked a community and he hasn’t logged in since 1am yesterday and on facebook the last activity was some kind of goodnight message at 1am… So I bet he went to bed at 1 am or something… But then he should be awake by now since that is 14 hours ago…

And here is where my mind starts playing tricks on me. Now I have invented this whole story about this guy treathening him breaking in to the appartment and beat him up or killed him or kidnapped him or something and how he is lying helpless somewhere with his phone all smashed up and.. You get the idea.

I bet he is just being fucking slow as usual or extremely tired and is still asleep because he didn’t go to bed until way laster than 1am, but I can not get the thoughts out of my head. And when I start to get the thoughts and try to prove myself wrong and I can’t because there is no way of proving he is alright… It’s just horrible!

This is something that happens a lot to me. Like when I read in the news there was a motorcycle accident somewhere close and I suddenly was sure it was my father. And I tried calling him but couldn’t reach him… Or everytime I read about someone in the right age being beaten up or something I immediatelly think it is one of my friends because I knew they go there and… Yeah.


~ by Methras on 4 March 2010.

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