Rollercoaster Paradise


Life is strange.

Sometimes everything seem to be too much and suddenly things seem better, only to turn black again. I can’t say my life is different from anyone else. It would be a lie if I said I know what a “normal” life is, I have never lived another life than what I am currently living. However, I think mine is a little more turbulent than many other lives out there. Every day I remind myself how much more miserable life COULD be and convince myself that I should indeed be very grateful I life the good life I am living. I live in one of the worlds richest countries, we have good welfare and I usually have food to eat.

What I can’t decide though is if that really is anything to be grateful about. I mean, if this is how someone live in one of the worlds richest countries… Doesn’t that say more about the world we live in, really? In every possible angle, I am out on very thin ice here in Norway… And yet I live SO much better than the majority of the worlds population. It’s a sad thought, but something we should never ever manage to forget.

And now that I have had the deep thought of the night (yeah, it’s 6 am so technically it’s morning) I can move on to tell you all about the current happenings of my life. First of all, I moved my blog again. I know, the layout is rather… dull. Well, that should chase away everyone who is not actually interested in reading. I got fed up with some of the things on http://www.blogg.no so I decided to move to something with a decent admin-panel and that has survived for many years. WordPress is maybe THE leading bloggingplace in the world so they must be doing something right.  The next time the blog is moved, it is to my own domain, sometime in the future.

When moving my blog I noticed I could get WordPress to copy all my old blogs from LiveJournal, the blog I never told anyone about. So now there is posts all the way back to 2006 here for you to snoop around in. I am editing and reading all the posts, giving them categories and so on and it’s always hard for me to read old things like that. Like one post where I wrote that had I known 4 years ago the amount of crap I had to endure in the coming years, I would have killed myself. It’s 4 years since I wrote that… So that means I have endured 8 years of rollercoaster now, 8 years of pain and anxiety. 8 years I have lived being afraid of life. It’s somewhat ironic, comic and tragic at the same time. I need to make some serious changes in my life.

Speaking of changes! I am doing a major change soon. I am moving. I have actually lived on the same address since 2007, that’s very long considering the fact that I always looked upon this place as a temporary thing. Well, I am moving to Fredrikstad with my sister. Actually, she was the one supposed to move and I kind of managed to get the apartment above her. This means me and my sister is going to share a house in Fredrikstad, her living on the 1:st floor and me living on the second floor. I have a very good feeling about it but at the same time I am terrified. I am now, willingly, entering a situation where I can not isolate myself like I sometimes want. I loose my anonymity and to some extent some privacy. When I have had other neighbours no one thinks twice about who comes or leaves my apartment. My sister will take notice. But that is a small prize to pay.

So in a couple of months I am moving to a new city that I have never really spent any time in, to a place I know no-one. All this terrifies me a LOT but I think the changes are going to help me a lot. and a fresh start with my routines and so on. Get to know new people, even though I am good at being picky about my friends,

I think everyone needs some change in their life

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~ by Methras on 5 March 2010.

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